system maintenance
I am a big fan of the Youtube restoration video. A few years back I watched this video of someone restoring an old Gameboy. I find it incredibly soothing to watch as the Gameboy is disassembled, each component carefully cleaned, the motherboard brought back to working condition by some intentional tinkering and soldering, and seeing it come back to life, looking almost new.
There’s something really special about seeing the careful and loving process of restoration, thoughtfully bringing something back to its better self, especially in a society that eschews maintenance for disposal. Someone spending their time, attention, and specialized tools to restore something affirms its value, even if, and in spite of, society deeming it worthless.
It really struck me watching these how much of repairing something or maintaining it is just keeping it clean. It feels ironic that such a complicated device is thwarted by a dust bunny, that maintaining a system requires the very low tech solution of using a cloth and some cleaning liquid. Often all it takes to get a sewing machine or a computer working again is to open it out and remove the dust.
The last couple weeks I noticed a funky smell coming from my daily sneakers. I bought them while I was living in London, right before I went on a trip to Rome, and I’ve worn them almost everyday since (so about 2.5 years). I’ve done the occasional surface level cleaning of the outside edges and soles, but never a deep clean. Until now. I tried pouring baking soda inside the shoes to absorb sweat and smells, but the scent remained, unfazed. So I sat down with a cup of diluted laundry detergent and toothbrush and scrubbed the shit out of my sneakers.
I got really into it and ended up spending the next 2 hours cleaning five different pairs of my shoes, including several pairs of my leather shoes. (After ages of looking for the perfect one, I finally just got a horsehair brush from the grocery store to buff my leather shoes with. Perfect truly is the enemy of the good, they look so nice now!) I sat on the ground with my earbuds in, with (randomly) an early 2000s playlist on while I went to work.
I grew up in a household of people who cope by cleaning. When my sister came to visit once she deep-cleaned my oven, her way of telling me she loved me because the words were too difficult. After the death of each of my grandfathers, I deep-cleaned my apartment. Scrubbing the grout in my shower with an old toothbrush, I felt a sense of control and purpose. The deep but uncomplicated focus of the deep-cleaning process is meditative and soothing.
The last couple months has been pretty intense, full of various stresses between work, family, and the weekly juggle of balancing fun and responsibilities while trying to care for my body. At the same time, I’m anticipating the big changes and added stresses sure to come to my life when I start graduate school again in the fall. I think I’m looking for ways to care for myself during this time. Part of that is caring for the things around me, the things that hold and care for me and accompany me in my daily experiences.
The last 2.5 years I’ve walked around in these shoes have been some of the most upending and transformative of my life. I moved back to the United States from abroad, stepped back from some really important relationships, and had several significant realizations about my identity and desires. I think I’ve grown into this new version of myself and as I approach another significant transition in my life, I’ve been shedding more and more of what has lingered from the past.
Watching the grime come off and seeing the color restored into my shoes as I gently wiped off the lather was really satisfying.
Dirt and dust and stress are the entropy of the world and the solutions to that entropy are relatively simple, just tedious and gross. Like cleaning all the dirt and mysterious smelly substances out of your shoes.
Anyway, my shoes are looking great.
Thanks, as always, for reading!